This week in the world of lesbian gossip
Tracy E. Gilchrist | November 16, 2007
Crossing the picket line
Lately, the High Holy Priestess of �Yep I�m Gay�, Ellen Degeneres, can�t seem to keep from stepping in shit. First, it was the doggie adoption gone awry and her subsequent on-air crying jag that put the Big E square in the tabloids� sights.
And now, Ellen�s pissed off the bespectacled nerd brigade by crossing over the Writers� Guild of America�s strike line. Norma Rae she ain�t! Adding the moniker �scab� to her list of titles, the out-est lesbo on the block defended herself on her show. �We're in the middle of a strike. ... I love my writers. And in honor of them, I'm not going to do a monologue�, Ellen said – not to mention there was no one to write her monologue.
Ellen tried to assuage naysayers saying that she wasn�t about to disappoint folks who�d traveled from far-away lands to see her shake her ass or to jeopardize jobs for the show�s non-writers. It�s a sticky situation for the Queer Queen of Daytime, who�s pulling in more negative press than Big Rosie O�Donnell these days.
But Ellen, a member of the WGA, could at least make a show of solidarity, and scrawl �Union� on a placard and stand on her easy chair holding it with a look of determination. Or else, she should just call out of work and stay home and service her hot-assed partner Portia de Rossi. Now that�s something to write home about.
On the subject of Portia, the Aussie babe made her highly-anticipated debut on nip/tuck, playing against type as Olivia, a smokin�, lipstick lesbian who beds Joely Richardson�s housewife gone off the rails, Julia McNamara.
Rumors from the set posit that the sex scenes between the pair of ice blondes were so steamy the crew practically needed to hose themselves down. So far Joely and Portia have only engaged in on-screen hand holding and a smooch but it was worth the time to tune in for a super-smooth Portia to cross pool cues with the show�s resident lothario, Julian McMahon�s Christian Troy.
The People�s Choice Award nominees are out and they just confirm my belief that the country�s on the way to hell in a handbasket – whatever that means. But, this is the place where G.W. Bush was elected – rather, not elected – president for two terms even after his first four-year debacle.
The �People� have spoken and the celluloid wonders up for favorite flicks include Disturbia, Harry Potter and the Post Adolescent, Post Equus Cutie Pie, and sultry Sandy Bullock�s most recent bomb, Premonition. For fave funny film, the people have spoken out for The Simpsons, which is fair enough, and for two masterpieces about fat-assed, self-absorbed man-children in Knocked Up and Wild Hogs.
Jodie Fister – I mean Foster – nabbed a nom for fave female action hero, along with Keira Knightley and Jessica Alba.
I�m gunning for a new category for the one who gets the most action. Eternal tomboy Jodie could snap those two in half like dried kindling and she�s a real live fence sitting lesbian, so this people�s choice is Jodie.
It�s the fave funny lady category that�s lesbo heavy, smashing the stereotype that lesbians aren�t funny. Vying for that prestigious award are Big Gay Ellen, Whoopi Goldberg and Wanda Sykes. Nuff said�
The Big �O�prah jammed out with the Osmond family on her show last week. The whitest Oprah show on record featured America�s favorite Mormons.
Sadly, Donny and Marie�s dad George died last week and like any family that�s been singing for their supper since they were in diapers, they put on their best outfits and went on Oprah to sing some for papa.
For a lesbo like me whose nascent sexuality peeked through every Friday night when Marie Osmond sang, �I�m a Little Bit Country�, Oprah�s Osmond reunion warmed my Grinch heart – and at 45-plus, batshit crazy Marie and her face – courtesy of some very good plastic surgeons – and her new, Dancing with the Stars trim body looks mighty fine.
Those wacky broads over at The View entertained the always stunning and charming Queen Kate Winslet. And moderator Whoopi had the audacity to ask classy Kate about her shoe size. It turns out Kate�s sporting some size 11 boats down there. And you know what they say, big feet mean big hands.
Hmmmm. A ray of Eternal Sunshine, Kate promoted her flick Romance and Cigarettes, which has been in the can since 2005. With John Turturro directing and a cast that includes real life MILFs Mary Louise Parker and Susan Sarandon and the ever-watchable Mandy Moore, it�s safe to say the movie could absolutely blow and it�d be worth the price of admission for the eye candy. A post-modern musical, the cast also includes big bear James Gandolfini, Steve Buscemi and Broadway legend Elaine Stritch.
Everyone�s favorite uptight, conservative talk show co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck called in to The View to inform her co-stars – who seem relieved she�s gone – that she gave birth to a bouncing mini �Bush� baby she and hubby Tim have decided to call Taylor Thomas, which sounds like a gay porn twink name, not to mention the Home Improvement connection.
It�s comforting to know that couch-hopping, glassy-eyed Scientologist Tom Cruise has the power to not only tank his own career, but to take others with him.
Grande Dame Meryl Streep and director Robert Redford couldn�t save Tommy�s latest vehicle Lions for Lambs from bombing at the box office.
Insult to injury, Meryl and Redford declined Tommy�s invite to join him in patting himself on the back at the Museum of Moving Image Salute Ceremony. They likely preferred to stay home clipping their toenails than sit through clips of Cruise�s masterpieces like Legend and Losin� It. Sure Tom held his own in Born on the Fourth of July, but where�s his Sophie�s Choice or All the President�s Men?
In theaters this week, Hollywood f***s with perfection and CGI�s Angelina Jolie in the overblown imagining of the Norse war story Beowulf. Angie plays Beowulf�s nemesis, Grendel�s Mother, who�s gets quite the hair across her ass when Beowulf kills her son.
Meanwhile, Hollywood�s also in talks to f*** with another classic flick with the remake of the Cold War gem The Day the Earth Stood Still. It was the movie that introduced the idea that nuclear = bad for humanity. But since G.W. doesn�t comprehend that 50 years later, perhaps it�s time for a remake. Smokin� Oscar winner who gave one of the most boring acceptance speeches in history, Jennifer Connelly�s slated to step into Patricia Neal�s shoes in the lead role.
Finally, a high holy night for Hollywood�s lesbians, Power Up, the non-profit organization that helps gay gals get the their films made and just put Itty Bitty Titty Committee on movie marquees across the country, held its annual gala event Sunday night to honor the Top Ten Amazing Gay Women in Showbiz for 2007. And the lesbians dug deep into their closets and brought out their Sunday best.
Waltzing the red carpet was the lesbian Tina Fey, Michelle Paradise, who�s riding high with Exes and Ohs, Xena�s Renee O�Connor, Queer as Folk�s Michelle Clunie, Dante�s Cove�s Jenny Shimizu, Thea Gill, Jill Bennett and Michelle Wolff, and The L Word�s androgynous hot ass Daniela Sea, among others.
Power Up also honored the woman who dared show the world that lesbians do have hot sex, Desert Hearts� director Donna Deitch. If not for Donna�s vision of a repressed professor shacking up with a wild child girl in a Reno hotel room circa 1950, on-screen lesbians would still be horny sex-starved cheek peckers. Thank you Donna. – Gay Link Content
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