This week in the world of lesbian gossip
Tracy E. Gilchrist | June 12, 2008
Please God don't let it be true
School’s out, the temperature is rising and this June is about as gay as it gets for California queers, considering Gay Pride doused West Hollywood with booze and debauchery last weekend and legal gay and lesbian nuptials are right around the corner.
Following my harrowing ride down the California Coast last week for the AIDS LifeCycle 7, during which I nearly traded in my ass-beating saddle for just the seat-post, I thought I’d begin the Blender with Hollywood’s lesbo couple du jour La Lush Lindsay Lohan and her main piece of tail, disc jockey to the stars, Samantha Ronson. But after reading a tidbit on Defamer, I am compelled to write the following item and file it under “Please God Don’t Let This Be True!”
According to the snarky gossip site that masquerades as intellectually superior to its competitors, Defamer.com picked up on and ran with a little item from old-school gossip girl Janet Charlton that Hollywood’s latest Lesbo power couple is none other than Dawn Denbo herself – Elizabeth Keener – and hot mess with the tight abs Jackie Warner. To which I must respond that there’s no fucking shot in hell that Catherine Keener’s hot-assed baby sis Liz would mix it up with that washed up train wreck of an attention-grabbing reality star slut. There I said it.
Besides, Dawn Denbo would never deign to hang with Warner and her merry band of hard-bodied, hard-boozing half-wits. Really, Jackie’s staked out at the back bar cabanas at West Hollywood’s den of iniquity, The Abbey, so often, it’s a shock she doesn’t have an engraved nickel-plated name plate pasted on to one of the stained with God-knows-what cabanas.
One false move from Warner and Denbo would send her to swim with the fishes ala The L Word’s Godfather episode. And if, what must be Liz Keener’s superior taste isn’t enough to halt those heinous rumors, just over a week ago, a tottering Warner was plopped at The Abbey flexing her deltoids and making out with an unnamed blond while her ex-girlfriend with biting issues, Mimi, sat idly by.
Now on to happier thoughts… those of La Lush Lindsay and her Sam. The couple that recently canoodled and cuddled on P – whatever the hell he’s calling himself these days – Diddy’s yacht at Cannes a few weeks ago, had purportedly parted ways since Linds was spotted removing her collection of leggings from Sam’s Hollywood home over the weekend. But never fear. The Lesbian poster children for LGBT divorce have been just as close and cuddly as ever. The pair of fame-seeking missiles joined British bad girl and big-mouthed blogger Lily Allen at celebrity gawking spot, Il Sole, on Sunset Boulevard Monday. And being the post-modern pain-in-the-ass that can’t shut her gob that she is, Lily blogged about their little nosh.
“I came back to the hotel at about 7 and went straight to dinner with my number one fan and avid reader of my blog Samantha, we went to this place called Il Sole, the food? amazing. I love truffles, big time, and they didn't dissapoint. Samantha brought a rather famous friend with her and about 50 million paparazzi,” Lily blogged.
Meanwhile, my favorite Friend, who’s recently sans a job since FX shit-canned Dirt, her cathartic pet project about slimy tab reporters and pushy paparazzi, Courteney Cox dined just a few tables away from Lily, Linds and Sam. Surely, Courteney was thrilled for the extra attention Linds and Sam brought to hers and her BFF Jennifer Aniston’s fave little Hollywood hideaway.
Really though, Courteney, you and Jen could be the latest Lesbian “It” girls. Just step over the line. Your fans and hubby David Arquette likely think you already have.
Speaking of lesbian “It” girls, Gina Gershon just can’t steer clear of this Vanity Fair hub-bub alleging that she and former President/could-have-been First Husband Bill Clinton – wink, wink – shared a couple of cigars back in the day.
A fired up, pouty-lipped, hot bitch Gina responding to Vanity Fair writer Todd Purdum’s saucy article that implied Gina and Bill got it on under Hillary Clinton’s nose, called the allegations outrageous on Live With Regis and Kelly Monday.
“That was kind of crazy. It was my day off, and I read this thing,” Gina said about snarfing her morning latte all over Purdum’s salacious story. “I met him three times at events,” Gina said before adding, “And besides, I'm much more attracted to his wife.” Okay… that last bit was just in my head, so don't quote me.
Welcome to everything you never wanted to know about Rosie O’Donnell and then some. Talk about crossing a line of proprietey. It seems that she and one of her former foes, shock-Jock dickhead Howard Stern played nice on his Sirius radio show last week. I’ve got to hand it to Howard. That lanky big-haired bastard sure can pull the down and dirty answers out of his guests. I’m pretty sure they respond so as not to come off as tight asses but here are just a few of the delicious, if not at-turns repulsive, tid-bits Rosie shared with Howard.
Big Rosie was a late bloomer sexually, who lost it when she was 21. After a long-term girl-on-girl thing in her twenties, Rosie jumped the fence and hunkered down with a man for two years. And she told Howard the sex was good.
She’s only gotten it on with nine people in her lifetime. Big surprise… she fantasizes about Angelina Jolie, Salma Hayek, Mariska Hargitay, Penelope Cruz, Angela Bassett and Diane Lane but masturbates to Matthew McConaughey. Who knew that stoner, nudie boys were up Rosie’s hypothetical alley. And if that’s not enough juicy info, Rosie also copped that she and her partner Kelli Carpenter O’Donnell do indeed engage in pornographic viewing – boy on boy that is!
Best of all, Howard asked Ro to play “Fuck, Marry, Kill” using her former The View bitch-fest co-hosts. Initially Ro said she’d fuck The View doyen Barbara Walters, because it would be over quickly but she went on to say, "I'm kidding. No, I don't think I'd play fuck, marry, kill with them. I'd fuck, marry and kill myself so I didn't have to play with them."
Oh please Ro… you know you’d fuck Elisabeth Hasselbeck because who wouldn’t want to top that ideological right-wing mess? You’d marry Babs for her bucks and you’d kill Joy Behar because she's too much comedic competition.
Save the world, Save a LUG. At 18, Heroes’ indestructible cheerleader Hayden Panettiere says she’s indulged in a little girl on girl. Gunning to unseat La Lush Lohan as the Sapphic “It” girl, Hayden copped to “experimenting" with her female friends growing up.
Ummm… if she means she French kissed her girlfriends and got naked in a sleeping bag with them at Girl Scout Camp to practice for boys…oh wait. That was me. Well that’s just normal. It is isn’t it?
Everyone’s favorite snaggle-toothed chanteuse Jewel, who, like Marie Osmond is “A Little Bit Country” these days, told gossip monger bitch extraordinaire Perez Hilton that she’s a bone fide top. Of course that came after she waxed on about roping, branding and castrating cattle – benevolently of course. The yodeler and songstress is currently acting as a useless figure-head of a judge on Country Music’s answer to American Idol, Nashville Star.
Now that smokin’ Antonia Lofaso packed her knives and left Top Chef at Padma Lakshmi's request last week, fans are forced to endure another week of big dyke with the bad attitude Lisa Fernandes pouting, posturing and perma-arm folding.
Sure, it’s great… Lisa’s a Lesbo…we’re well-represented on reality television. But really, eye-brow piercings are so 1993. Sorry to abandon my lesbian brethren but since my choice for Democratic Presidential nominee is relegated to bowing out gracefully like a well-behaved woman, I’m going whole hog for my Top Chef choice. Go cute, sweet Stephanie Izard! – Issued by Gay Link Content
Lesbian lust icon Gina Gershon