This week in the world of lesbian gossip
Tracy E. Gilchrist | July 25, 2008
It's all about The L Word!
Like an oasis smack in the middle of the long, dry spell that is the nine months between The L Word season finale and its subsequent season premiere, producer, writer and premiere power dyke Ilene Chaiken has announced an L Word spin-off starring one of the current characters. We’ll get back to that in just a moment because – yeesh – Chaiken and company have been busy with the L Word plans!
Not only is there a spin-off in the works, possibly akin to Facts of Life spinning from Different Strokes or Happy Days spawning Laverne and Shirley and Mork and Mindy but Showtime entertainment president Robert Greenblatt told those gals over at AfterEllen.com that The L Word will end its run on television and continue online.
"It's going to be an amazing season because there's a big mystery element to the show in the final year, and then it's going to continue online to a large extent,” Greenblatt said. The online series is "still forming" and "that will happen later in the process after the show's on the air," which will likely air on Ourchart.com. But, "there may be some other internet places for it to go,” Greenblatt revealed last weekend.
Well! I for one think that’s just fucking great. That gives Chaiken and the gang free reign to tease the crap out of us for the duration of the show’s truncated, eight-episode sixth and final television season. Talk about rationalizing half-assed storylines. And all those doubting dykes thought season three was all over the place.
Really though, I’m about to confess a dirty little secret. I am officially, unabashedly copping to my unconditional love for Ilene’s brain child. Typically, I’m a pain-in-the-ass, cynic who loves to rip on pop culture but I’ll shout it from the rooftops. I’m an L Word devotee… tattered storylines, Papi, hot indie actresses playing trans with bad facial hair who fall for Pam Grier, Bette at a Buddhist retreat followed by baby-napping to a Joni Mitchell tune and Jenny – the crazy bitch we all know we’ve dated but are loathe to admit. I don't care. I still love it.
Gearing up for it's denoument, The L Word producers are throwing metaphorical big juicy steaks to the Pavlov’s dogs of lesbian television viewing. Emmy winner and once upon a proud fat girl, Camryn Manheim, is slated to return as Veronica Bloom, the take-no-prisoners studio exec with a penchant for mani/pedis, Oxycondone and Shane.
And once-upon-a-promising-career playing Michael Douglas’s wife in just about every eighties movie known to the free world, Anne Archer, returns as Alice’s deluded, fading actress mama.
And this just in, lanky Showgirl, whom Gina Gershon bitch-slapped into submission and Jennifer Beals’ good pal, Elizabeth Berkley, is slated to play Bette’s, straight Yalie college friend—the one who got away.
Now, returning to that spin-off bombshell, some lucky Lesbo character over at the L Word will nab her own – I can’t imagine it’s not doomed for the dustbin – show. Who will it be?
Perhaps Alice, jaded by her soulless but lucrative Internet venture, will move to Alabama, don overalls and a bandana, enter into a common law marriage with Mary Louise Parker and start a café featuring fried green tomatoes and secret BBQ.
Or maybe Shane, in search of a new beauty salon to match the appeal of the now up-in-smoke Wax, will head south to become a part of an ostensible collective of emotionally steely broads whilst perfecting her permanent wave and up-do skills at a salon called Truvy’s.
It could be Jenny, who heads off to New York City to begin her second/third career as a photography magazine peon who falls in love with a junkie that looks dangerously like the hot crazy chick from The Breakfast Club.
Maybe it’s Tina, who heads to grad school as an old-school butch, working part-time at a gas station while charming the pants off the smart, popular girl who courts her with a copy of Walt Whitman’s Leaves of Grass. They have incredibly true adventures and live happily ever after...
Finally, it could be Bette, who, realizing she’s no spring chicken, throws it all in and heads to Vegas with her pal Liz Berkley to pole dance and to toss marbles at Gina Gerhson’s spiked-heeled feet.
Oh wait… somebody already made those movies. Well, damned if I know how it’s all going to pan out.
Moving on… File this under a day late and a dollar short, but Life and Style magazine seems to think that La Lush Lindsay Lohan and DJ to the stars, Samantha Ronson, are hitting it, hence the trash-mug’s provocative headline, “Is Lindsay Gay?” Let’s see, PDA, a $22,000 promise ring or some such crap, on and off cohabitation, inseparability, telling a hapless Ashley Olsen to “Get your 15-year-old Full House ass away from my girlfriend,” when Ash attempted to chat with Sam…
Ummm. My gaydar’s been a tad off these days but I’m going to go with, fuck yes! Lindsay’s a big dyke. And good on the ole girl. It seems that full-on Lesbo love is good for Linds. She’s had nary a rehab or jail sentence since she and Sam decided to go whole hog – as it were.
Gay and gay icon Neil Patrick Harris and Kristen Chenoweth announced the nominees for the 60th Annual Emmy Awards last Thursday and the list of Best Actress in a Drama noms – looking suspiciously close to last year’s – is loaded with heavy hitters including tough-ass Sally Field for Brothers and Sisters; cutie Kyra Sedgwick for The Closer; hot lisper Holly Hunter for Saving Grace; don’t fuck with her Glenn Close for Damages; and best cop in a turtleneck Mariska Hargitay for Law and Order: SVU.
I’d like to see them forgo accepting any awards this year and just get the Drama noms going toe to toe with the Best Actress in a Comedy noms – Tina Fey for 30 Rock; Mary Louise Parker for Weeds; Julia Louis Dreyfus for The New Adventures of Old Christine; Christina Applegate for Samantha Who? and America Ferrera for Ugly Betty – in a Turkish Oil tug-o-war. Now that's a production number I can live with.
Sad news for smokin' Salma Hayek and her baby daddy, gazillionaire Francois-Henri Pinault. They’ve called off their engagement without further comment. Okay, so I’m fixated but here’s hoping Salma saw the light and is headed off to Spain to win back her one true love Penelope Cruz from Javier Bardem. Hell, maybe Salma and Javier will face off in a Turkish Oil tug-o-war. My money’s on Salma. – Issued by Gay Link Content
Sarah Silverman, Mary Louise Parker