FEATURE Sports Complex Tackling Homophobia: Esera Tuaolo Sings Out Loud and Proud Jim Provenzano | October 10, 2005 Former NFL player Esera Tuaolo In the world of professional sports, football remains one of the most difficult for athletes to come out as gay. Esera Tuaolo should know. A 10-year veteran who played on five teams, including the Green Bay Packers and the Minnesota Vikings, the Hawaiian-born former nose tackle nearly killed himself while struggling with his sexuality. "It's the team mentality. Football is probably the worst," says Tuaolo, who heard and saw many instances of antigay behavior while playing with athletes who had no idea he was gay. Tuaolo says, "Our duty [as football players] is to destroy somebody. We're taught to dominate them. It's that 'kill' mentality. If I would have come out, it wouldn't have been pretty. Can you imagine these players kicking me all over the field?" Still, Tuaolo is proud of his career in the NFL. An accomplished athlete as a teenager in Chico, Calif., where he lived after his childhood in Oahu, Tuaolo also competed in wrestling and track and field before getting a football athletic scholarship to Oregon State University. In 1989 (his senior year), he set school records with 14 sacks, 23 tackles for a loss, and 27.5 quarterback pressures. The recipient of All-American honors in 1989, Tuaolo was awarded the Morris Trophy as the Pac-10 All-Conference's top defensive lineman. In his professional football career, from 1991 to 2001, Tuaolo had no connection to the LGBT community. He credits reading former NFL player David Kopay's autobiography with breaking down his denial about being gay. "I never knew this world existed until I came out – the whole family, the network, the support, gay-straight alliances," he says. His coming-out in 2002, a year after retiring, gained national headlines. Since then, Tuaolo has focused his life on speaking engagements and public appearances that break down stereotypes about LGBT people. "We're survivors, all of us," says Tuaolo. "I really admire everyone that's come out. We've been through the storm. The only special thing for me was that I played in the NFL. As far as the story, it's all the same. We feel the same pain, anxiety, and depression. People need to realize that." Tuaolo says he's proud to be added to the list of out LGBT athletes. "The more that I and others can be out there, it'll send a message," he says. "We've all been to the highest level in our sports. That's one thing they cannot take away from us. You can say whatever you want, but I have this ring on my finger that says I've been in the Super Bowl." But will a professional football athlete ever be able to come out while still playing? "'Ever' is a long time," says San Francisco 49ers owner John York. "Of course it will happen. At one time, there were no African Americans in baseball or in the NFL. There will be a time when a gay man will come out in the NFL." York's team remains the only NFL franchise to include sexual orientation in its employment nondiscrimination policies. Their only employee to come out is former head trainer Lindsy McLean. Yet York remains optimistic. "I would hope by the time that it happens – and that it's sooner rather than later – that it is accepted that his performance on the field is what counts," he says. For Tuaolo, such progress remains a distant goal. "You would think we've come of age," he says. Coming out while he played in the NFL would have been impossible. Tuaolo mentioned potential violent reactions from other players, even fans. "I wouldn't have the family and husband I have now, if I'd come out while playing. It would have had a different, negative edge." The positive outcome of Tuaolo's coming out is his family. He and his partner, Mitchell Wherley, live in Minneapolis, and are the parents of two adopted children. Both a CD of Tuaolo's music and his autobiography are due for release in 2006. While still in the NFL, Tuaolo sang the national anthem at several games, and credits his family and church with encouraging his singing. An ambassador for Gay Games VII, Tuaolo also speaks at high schools, colleges, and corporations about homophobia. "Educating people is half the battle," he says. "A lot of kids are being taught by their parents. Their parents taught them that homosexuality is bad, and they teach their kids. I tell parents they have the opportunity to stop negativity, to stop discrimination, not only about homosexuality, but also racism. I tell them, 'I'm not here to change you or convert you. I'm just here to give you some information that you might not have.'" Like the 49ers' York, Tuaolo sees the next generation of athletes and LGBT people coming out at a younger age. As for future professional athletes coming out, "Some day, somebody will," he says. "I'm just thankful that I'm out. Be proud that another brother or sister has come out of the closet. Maybe I'm a stepping-stone to getting us there." Jim Provenzano is the author of the novels PINS and Monkey Suits. Read more sports articles at www.sportscomplex.org Related stories A Word from Our Sponsors: Boycotts Can Go Both Ways [26/09/2005] SA Gay Games bid 2010: An update [22/08/2005] For more info on Gay Sport in South Africa contact Gay Sport SA