FEATURE Baby-ventures ....and baby makes three Lisa Sonnekus | January 10, 2007 ....and baby makes three The Beginning Where to start? I guess the beginning would be best. We met almost 7 years ago. She was (and is still), the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen. She stunned me to a stand still. It is not a myth that you can see the promises of your future in another's eyes. We looked at each other in the overcrowded lift, in one of the busiest shopping centres in Johannesburg. For a moment – time stood still. We both walked out of the lift to go about our business. I walked a couple of meters and looked back over my shoulders – she did the same. I smiled shyly and carried on walking. Then suddenly stopped. I needed to know her name. I started running in the direction of where I saw her last but she was gone. Sad and disappointed I took my journey to work. Her silhouette imprinted in my mind. But do not underestimate fate. A couple of days later, out of the same lift, I saw her again. Our eyes locked. Shocked I walked another direction. She called after me. Well the rest, lays webbed in-between the 7 most glorious years of my life. The Journey Like most couples we threw our "belongings" together and after some time passed, bought our first house and set roots. It was a natural process for us to talk about marriage and having children. We sat until late at night dreaming about "what it would be like". Before we wanted to look at children – we decided to "commit" our relationship in front of God, our family and friends. We were both raised in very close families and over the years our family's lives became intertwined. We practice our religion in the privacy of our home and although not religious church-goers, it forms a fundamental part of our house-hold. For us it was important to include our families and our religion in the journey we were about to take on. We set a date and the excitement could be felt in the air. Our "wedding day" was the most exhilarating day (up to then) in our relationship. We loved, celebrated, shared and finally cried tears of happiness in one single day. But our journey just began… The Path we Chose When we finally decided that we wanted to start our family, we looked at the options available for same-sex couples. Sadly, there was not really any information available. We literally had to go through infertility websites for heterosexual couples and find in-between information relevant to us. Correspondence with other couples on these sites was very short lived. As soon as they get an inclination that we are a lesbian couple, the advice stopped coming through. It took months of research, calls (some very uncomfortable ones) for us to get some guidance of where to go and how to start. I was mainly involved in the research and did not share some of the bigotry I came across during my quest for knowledge. I thought it would put additional stress on my wife, as she was going to carry our child. So I locked it away with all the other words that sometimes still echo in my dreams. Eventually we came across a Gay and Lesbian Parental Support group. (Most of the other "support-groups" did not exist anymore due to a lack of interest or their numbers no longer existed). I guess they forget about the "scary and unfamiliar journey" to conceive their first child. The only good thing that came out of our "very bizarre" get-together with the parental support group was a recommended doctor's telephone number. The first Donor Bank we visited was the scariest experience of our lives. We booked the "profile" and on doctor's orders – started to monitor my wife's cycle. Over the period of well over 14 months, we jumped out of bed to test cycles to plan for the day and see if we would need to phone work to tell them we would be late. Out of the 14 months, we had 8 attempts at the gynaecologist. And if you think the insemination is not painful – think again. I held her tight every time and the car was very silent on the way home. We drove numerous times, up and down between the Donor Bank and doctor's rooms. My wife was instructed to start taking various hormonal boosters to produce more fertile eggs. This changed her into a stranger, not only to me but also to herself. Until we heard the unexpected… There is a problem. Of all the things, heterosexual or homosexual, a woman or man does not want to hear it is those words. The last thing you expect was to have – on top of everything else – is a fertility problem. Even though the promise was there that we still have a chance, we cried many nights. It was like a piece of our dream was carried away by the wind. We listened to the doctor and booked for the procedure to open tubes, check for ovarian cysts and see if there is a problem. The procedure was not a painful process but the waiting to see if everything is ok – was drenching. Between the doctor and ourselves, we decided to have one more attemped after the operation and then to take a break. Emotionally it was getting too much. Between the doctor, nurse and us – we took the final attempt. Twelve of the longest days passed before we could go for a blood test. My wife walked out of the doctor's room – unable to wait for the news. A big plus sign stared at me - Positive. I stood in amazement, my briefcase dropped to the ground. Colour left my face and tears of joy rolled down my face. The walk to the car felt endless. My legs were numb and I could not feel the sun on my face. As I approached, my wife turned her head and for a moment, I saw my unborn child. All I could do was nod my head. Our son was born in April 2006. A healthy baby-boy. As they handed him to us, we were speechless. We had been blessed. At last, a family of our own. I have reached my full circle in life. – Issued by Baby-ventures Related features Baby-ventures