Sex talk
Speaking of Assault Scenes

Simon Sheppard,

Nobody wants to be sexually assaulted for real; it's traumatically awful. But getting rough-fucked in an agreed-upon scene? Though many people – especially victims of violence – would find such fantasies beyond the pale, to some kinky dudes, they're catnip. Sure, the very idea of "consensual rape" is an oxymoron, but the craving's a surprisingly common one.

Confides one man, "My boyfriend and I have a really sick desire that we want to play out: A guy breaks into our house carrying a fake gun or something, finds us asleep in bed, and rapes us both. We love the idea of one of us being tied up and having to watch while the other gets fucked by a guy in a ski mask, or is forced to suck him off."

Yep, sexual-assault scenes deal in really edgy stuff. Some SM aficionados argue that kinky play has nothing to do with "real life" outside the dungeon door, but such a total disconnect is doubtful. What makes staged assault attractive? There's outright masochism, of course – seeking pain and humiliation as a route to sexual satisfaction. There's also the "Don't throw me in the briar patch" syndrome, the lure of being helpless to fend off the carnality that one, in fact, actually craves. And there's often a desire to be forcibly brought down to the level of pure animal sensation.

One sexually adventurous dominant dude observes, "The rape scenario seems more popular with bottoms – who'll usually specify just exactly how they want to be 'violated' – than among tops, who have to follow the script and do most of the work. Still," he smiles, "I do like that rush of power."

Such lusts – whether acted on or not – are often steadfastly antisocial. One online ad reads, "I'm so hot to be used. I want to head to a park and get raped bareback in the woods, to get plowed and be bred anonymously in the bushes by a rough, masculine man, preferably black or Latino. Take it out on my ass, knock me up." This is, clearly, not the sweet stuff that supporters of same-sex marriage have in mind. (Queer men are not, of course, the only folks with disturbing desires, though gay assault scenes don't have the built-in power imbalance of male/female kink.)

"The question is," our top continues, "whether assault scenes are just a harmless, even healthy, way to play around with sexual repression and internalized homophobia. And I'm not sure. But face it, just the fact that the fantasy is so forbidden makes it even hotter."

Another observer says, "I question just how often these scenes get fully played out, as opposed to being wank-off fantasies by guys who just like to hear themselves talk. Some of the scenarios are very elaborate: 'I want to be kidnapped by four men in a public place, stuffed in a car, and driven to an abandoned house...' It's a whole damn movie. Oh well, I guess that's what sex workers are for."

Acting out assault can be really risky. The more powerless the bottom, the greater his danger. And tops, too, face risk – they can push a "victim" too far, causing psychic or physical harm. Long to act out taboo fantasies? Even more than the usual SM-scene cautions apply. Get to know and trust your playmate – some guys have serious underlying issues that might make playing rape with them unwise. Use a safeword. Play sober...or at least sober-ish. And have contingency plans in case things go awry.

Safety first, despite appearances. Because who the hell wants a date that ends in an ER or in jail?

Simon Sheppard is the author of Kinkorama: Dispatches from the Front Lines of Perversion

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