Sex talk
Speaking of Comfortable Bottoming

Simon Sheppard, QSyndicate.com

"Isn't it supposed to hurt?'

Well, no. Getting fucked may hurt, but it shouldn't. Think about it: that hole of yours painlessly opens wide at least once a day, and rare is the man whose girth is greater than that of your daily doo.

"I think it's mostly a matter of fear," says one now-blissful bottom. "When I first had anal sex, I was just very nervous about letting a guy in there. So I was tight, and things didn't go well." He smiles. "Actually, I remember saying, 'Ow! Take that out!'"

Fear of getting fucked may have roots in discomfort about disease, a reluctance to let bodily barriers down, or a life-long feeling that it's nasty down there. But those things can be overcome. The happy bottom continues, "Nowadays, though, I beg guys to put it in. I think it boils down to one thing: You've gotta want it."

Most of the discomfort associated with being boned occurs on entry, so the top should take it slow and easy at first. And if you're the one getting fucked, let yourself go. As our bottom suggests, think about how much you crave your partner penetrating you. Once Willie is in the door, odds are that your rosebud will relax and things will go swimmingly. (Should real pain persist every time you try, there might be a medical reason that should be dealt with by a doc.)

Of course, deep desire makes getting dicked more delightful. "Wanting it" is easier if you want him. While some sexhounds can gleefully give it up to a complete stranger, for most of us, interpersonal rapport makes fucking much finer. Says another bottom, "Maybe I'm just being a fussy slut, but while I'd do oral stuff with just about anyone, I only get screwed by guys who are special. More or less." Yes, an ongoing dating situation can be lovely, but hey, your partner need not be Mr. Right Top. Just a bit of conversation followed by some foreplay can grease the skids nicely. And negotiating safety issues before hitting the sheets will allow both guys to concentrate on cock-in-butt.

Speaking of greasing the skids... Comfy anal play demands lots of lubrication, and plain old spit usually won't suffice. Latex condoms require the use of water-based lube. The stuff comes in a variety of textures and thicknesses, and for buttplay, most guys find "the thicker, the better." But regardless of the brand, the big problem with water-based lube is that it dries out. Keep some spare lube within reach for midcourse replenishing, and should that run out, a simple sprinkling of water will get things slippery again.

A bit of physical preparation helps, too. A pre-sex trip to the toilet is a terrific idea, and plenty of bottomboys like to douche, too. But should things feel impacted while you're getting fucked, it's not considered bad form to excuse yourself for a bathroom break. Shit happens.

Many men use one thing or another – from booze to pot to poppers to harder stuff – to help themselves loosen up. But though a beer or a joint may help things along, being bombed out of your mind during sex is a recipe for unsafe disaster; if you use something to lower your inhibitions, do so moderately and wisely.

Remember, whether you're the top or the bottom, anal sex should be comfy, safe, and enjoyable for all concerned. If it turns out not to be, by all means stop and regroup. Shift position, make out, or quaff a glass of fine chardonnay, and then go at it again. And should things still not go well, call it a carnal day. Remember, it's not your last chance to do the butt thing.

After all, anal sex should feel great. And, properly done, it will.

Simon Sheppard is the author of Kinkorama: Dispatches from the Front Lines of Perversion

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