Sex talk
Speaking of Douching

Simon Sheppard, QSyndicate.com

Sure, anal sex can be mind-blowingly wonderful, but let's face it – it can get messy down there. Plenty of experienced tops aren't all that squeamish, and a few even find a bit of mess adds to the joy of down-and-dirty sex. Still, many eager but fastidious fuckees-to-be consider it a must to clean out their butts.

In point of fact, the rectum is usually not full of shit; it's a tunnel, not a storehouse. After a bowel movement, particularly one where the stools are solid and well formed, there may be some residue in the rectum, but it's generally not a great amount. In a majority of cases, fear of being really messy is greater than the actual odds thereof.

Remember, too, that down in the ol' colon, things just keep on a-movin'. You can thoroughly clean yourself out before you're bedded, but that's no guarantee you won't be ready to shit by the time the rubber hits the road (or in this case, the Hershey Highway). And if you douche less than a couple of hours before getting fucked, there's a chance that a flood-ette of residual liquid will be released, making things much messier than they otherwise would have been.

In other words, anal douching can be a not very effective solution to a not-very-pressing problem. If buttplay's in the cards, you might want to simply shower and scrub your hole, and eating lightly the day you've got a date can help.

Still, some guys won't get humped without an inside rinse. "I won't bottom without douching at least a little first," says one guy. "Even if just a little bit of shit gets on somebody's dick, it smells and it's just unpleasant. And I like to get fucked for a long time; the longer the fuck, the messier it can get." Another bottomboy's even blunter: "It is utterly disgusting for a guy not to douche."

All this controversy would be more or less moot if anal douching were actually good for you, or at least health-neutral. But it probably isn't.

Even properly done, douching runs a risk of causing colonic irritation and tears; studies show that a pre-fuck douche actually increases your chance of being infected with HIV should the condom slip or break. And many medicos think that habitual butt rinsing can lead to steady irregularity somewhere down the line. Still, a bit of butt-cleaning now and then, properly done, is unlikely to be all that perilous.

If you're a fecally fastidious fellow, use a small amount of plain warm water – a cup or less with nothing added. Reusable Fleet enema bottles – with the commercial solution discarded and replaced by H2O – or soft-tipped ear-cleaning syringes are often recommended to deliver the douche. Enema bags or shower-diverters that send a steady stream of water through a tube are other, more high-flow possibilities.

Whatever you use, lube the tip, carefully insert the business end, squirt gently, retain for a moment, then expel. If things are messy, repeat the process a time or two till the rivers run clear. But don't get obsessive. As Bill Brent points out in The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men, "How much rinsing is enough? There's no absolutely right answer because each of us is unique, temperamentally and anatomically." And be sure to allow a couple of hours to drain out thoroughly before Mr. Right comes to visit your happy hole.

Perhaps most important of all, try to get over your squeamishness. Make friends with your butt, and remember, all the effort in the world isn't going to guarantee spotlessness when the Big Moment arrives. Be you top, bottom, or swinging switch, learning to take things in stride is a valuable social skill. "I think I'm gonna go clean up. Be right back" is just so much more debonair than squealing in horror.

What, after all, is a little mess between friends?

Simon Sheppard is the author of Kinkorama: Dispatches from the Front Lines of Perversion

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