Sex talk
Speaking of Humor

Simon Sheppard, QSyndicate.com

Let's face it: sex is kind of funny. A part of your body gets swelled up, you stick it into a hole in someone else, squirm around, moan and groan, squirt some stuff out, and collapse in a sweaty heap. Silly, right?

Yep, it's a thin line between the randy and the ridiculous, and when you're lathered up with lust, a sense of humor can stand you in good stead.

Queer men are used to having punch lines used against us. We're the butt of countless homophobic jokes that make our desires nothing more than a cause for derision. Conversely, gays' laughter-as-defense-mechanism has given rise to reams of campy wit, a queer sort of humor that's become a lot less self-deprecating as gay liberation has marched on.

But you can be a self-accepting queer guy, at ease with his dick and its desires, and still see the humor in humping and bumping. Even the very best sex can be good for a laugh. "Every once in a while, the intensity of what I'm feeling when I'm fucking becomes too much for me," says one smiling sex maven, "and I can just feel myself grinning ear to ear, or giggling with delight." And then there's the postorgasmic laugh, where accumulated joy breaks free in mutual merriment.

Somewhat less transcendently, sexual mishaps can lead to a ludicrous loss of dignity (not that it's ever easy to seem all that suave with a stiff schlong). "I once was having such energetic sex on a saggy old bed that I just crashed right to the floor midstroke," says one fellow. "For a second I must have looked truly astonished, and my partner began to laugh. I was embarrassed, till I realized there was nothing I could do but laugh, too. And then I jumped right back on...more carefully this time."

Plain old vanilla can be good for a giggle, but the kinky stuff can look really funny to someone who's not in on the joke. As the saying goes, "One man's eroticism is another man's belly laugh." A sexual passion for, say, zip-up dress boots might look ridiculous...unless you share the fetish. Leathermen can seem to take themselves awfully seriously, playing a dressed-up game of Let's Pretend. And some kinks, such as tickle torture, or "gunge" – being spattered with food in a sexual scene – are pretty damn slapstick in and of themselves. But is it really any weirder to be turned on by a nice pair of shoes than by a somewhat gnarly, blood-engorged few inches of human flesh? So when confronted with kink, it's best to laugh with the fetishist instead of at his obsession. Who says sex isn't supposed to be fun?

Indeed, some guys find "witty" as hot as "well-hung," and even goofy games in bed – from Peek-a-boo to Hide the Sausage – can inspire both smiles and stiffies. "I much prefer a sex partner who knows how not to take the whole thing too seriously," says our mature maven. "That's not to say that he has to come to bed wearing a red clown nose. But some guys take their sexuality so seriously that it's just plain exhausting."

Sure, inappropriate silliness – laughing at the shape of someone's dick, for instance – can be an anti-aphrodisiac. And you should probably leave that clown nose in the drawer. But keeping a twinkle in your eye while precum's on your cock can be a ribald road to delirious nookie. 'Cause in this human comedy, there are few things more dizzy and delightful, more fabulous and funny, than what we do with our dinguses.

Simon Sheppard is the author of Kinkorama: Dispatches from the Front Lines of Perversion

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