Sex talk
Speaking of Seduction

Simon Sheppard,

Even the lustiest lad may need a bit of persuasion now and then. That's where seduction comes in.

Wheedling one's way into a guy's pants is an old and noble art, somewhere between innocent flirting and sexual assault. It's salesmanship of the dick. Seduction can be clunky, even distasteful, but it can also be as graceful as the best bullfight that ever ended up in bed – metaphorically speaking.

We all know the movie-perfect seduction scene: candlelight, wine, sexy music, the whispering of sweet nothings, the shedding of elegant clothes. Reluctant kisses leading to hard cocks.

"Some people think there's a simple script for getting guys," says one player who's fucked more than his share. "But in my experience, a routine that works with one man falls totally flat with another. So maybe the best routine is no routine at all."

Another pretty hot homo confirms the quirkiness of some successful come-ons. "I was walking down the street when a guy in a car called out to me, 'Hey, wanna fuck?' It was an irresistible line. I got into his Jeep."

Such a direct approach can seduce some men – the brash Lothario at the bar who barges his way toward your basket has his appeal. But for every guy who thinks, "Wow! That fellow really wants me bad," there's another who reacts negatively, figuring his pursuer's just an insensitive jerk. The less slutty amongst us may prefer something at least a tad more polished.

Setting is important, of course. Putting the moves on someone in a crowded, noisy club calls for plenty of body language – making eye contact, sidling over, or even touching – to supplement your shouting over the music. It's another matter when you invite a prospective conquest to dinner at a nice restaurant, where your sex object's more likely to be turned on by your conversational charm than by feeling your hand crawling up his leg while he sips his Chardonnay.

Being sweet often helps, but not even outright flattery is a sure way to a guy's crotch. Some men just don't take praise well; they suspect that anyone who dishes it out in heaps is insincere or desperate.

Maybe it's a case of trying too hard. "The goal isn't to convince somebody to have sex with you," says our seductive player. "It's to find a way to let him discover he wants to."

High-school dating guides often counsel, "Find out what someone's interested in, and at least pretend to take an interest in that yourself." Pretty elementary, even shabbily dishonest, but there is a point there: The successful seducer is usually less intent on showing off what a hot guy he is than in figuring out the target of his affections. It's not just the threadbare cliche of "being a good listener." It's being, at least subconsciously, a sexual psychologist. What does Mr. Right want? Does a breezy approach work, or should you be intense, sweetly sincere, or even pushily domineering? It's not a matter of being disingenuous, merely bringing out those facets of your personality most likely to get you where you want to go. (Which in this case might very well be up some hunky guy's ass.)

It may be that after a bit of give and take, a less-desired answer emerges: Whatever else the guy may want, he doesn't want to go to bed with you. In that case, take your defeat graciously, pull your claws in, and bravely soldier on. Other fish, you know.

And if you're the object of a seduction? Remember that even the most complex sexual ambivalence eventually lands on one side or the other of a simple binary: "I will" or "I won't." Don't let yourself be bamboozled into doing something you'll regret, of course. But relax. You may well decide that a clever Casanova deserves his just reward.

And that will be you.

Simon Sheppard is the author of Kinkorama: Dispatches from the Front Lines of Perversion

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