Standing to attention doesn't mean the same thing to all dicks. There are straight dicks that are curved, and gay dicks that are straight. Those sexy, curvaceous banana shaped hard-ons could be the result of an unlucky accident. Be careful not to fall out of bed, dick first, during a moment of passion as you could bounce on the floor like a pogo stick. [Ouch!] The result could be scar tissue that interferes with the penis's ability to engorge symmetrically, and so curving the penis in an intriguing variety of ways.

Paula Jones, in her sexual harassment suit, alleged that Bill Clinton's dick 'had a distinctly angled bend visible when erect.' A doctor's report gave a clean bill of health to Bill's dick. Imagine the scene in the surgery as the doctor bent over the presidential hard-on, looking at it first from this side, then that, from underneath, and from on top, before pronouncing that it had 'no distinguishing marks, characteristic blemishes, or abnormalities.'

A dick is a marvel of engineering. Containing erectile tissue and a rich supply of blood vessels, it hangs around, waiting for some hard-core action. This action could happen when you are sound asleep and totally unaware of your dick's nocturnal activities, or it could be when that sexy stranger turns and looks you in the eye. That one look can get your nervous system going, causing between eight and ten times the usual amount of blood to be pumped into the spongy erectile tissue, expanding it, and compressing the walls of the veins that otherwise carry the blood away from your penis. The result of all that trapped blood will be a proud, throbbing hard-on, ready for fun-times.

The cause of an erection may have always been known, but knowledge of the mechanics was vague until the Renaissance and Leonardo da Vinci and a few other scholars began dissecting corpses.

Before that the Greeks taught, and medieval Europeans believed that an erection was a breathlike 'spirit' from the liver that traveled first to the heart and then back through the arteries to fill the hollows of the penis with wind, a little like blowing up a party balloon.

Da Vinci had a gay man's fascination with the penis, studying it in detail. He soon realised that a hard-on wasn't just hot air. "I have seen dead men" he wrote in his journal, " who have the members erected, for many die thus, especially those hanged. Of these penises I have seen the anatomy, all of them having great density and hardness, and being quite filled by a large quantity of blood.' Curious to think that when you are dead you could still have a raging hard-on. Proud little bugger that, still prepared to make a last stand when all else has failed.

Although they now knew that an erection was produced by a surge of blood, it wasn't until the mid-nineteenth century that urologists began to understand how that blood got there or what kept it there once it arrived. In 1863 German scientist Conrad Eckhard showed that the nervous system played a role in erectile functioning. In an experiment that you shouldn't try at home on your own pooch, he applied an electric current to the pelvic nerves of a dog, which responded with a lipstick-like canine erection.

A man doesn't need to fully understand the mechanics of an erection, or go to penis appreciation classes, to enjoy its subtle beauty, but he does need to be a cock-junky. A straight man looking at his dick will see a pussy-pounding tool. On the other hand, a gay man will narcissistically recognise his dick, standing erect and proud, as an object of desire. Are a gay man's masturbatory fantasies more intense and satisfying as a result? I wonder if any one has done a study on the subject. A gay dick is a lucky dick. Its owner doesn't have to visualise pussy to get off, he can look at the real thing right there in his hand, and work from there. That's a good enough reason for gay penis pride.