Sex talk
Speaking of Daddy-chasers

Simon Sheppard, QSyndicate.com

"I'm not just looking for a sex buddy," says one cute 31-year-old. "I'm looking for a mentor, for a Dad kind of guy."

It's a truism that the gay world is full of dirty old men in search of sweet young meat, but what about the dirty young men – Daddy-chasers in search of prime aged beef? Says another aficionado of fatherly fuckings, a fellow in his mid-20s, "I have friends my own age, of course, but that's all they are – buddies to hang out with. When it comes to sex and romance, I'm pretty much exclusively interested in men at least 15 years older than me."

What leads some younger guys to defy the "boys are beautiful" dictum of mass queer culture and seek out seniors instead? Continues our mid-20s man, "I'm sorry, but I find guys my age fun but kind of boring. I suppose I'm looking for a father figure, for someone more experienced and wiser than me. And in my experience, older men are better at sex, as well – technically more accomplished and less likely to be obsessed with their own pleasure. They just seem to care more."

And then – putting aside a young man's many other possible motives – it can also just come down to the intricacies of sexual attraction. Some college boys find Sean Connery hotter than Orlando Bloom, and that's that. As another fan of mature men says, "Salt-and-pepper hair just gets my dick hard."

Some folks suspect that there's something neurotic about the whole affair, that sex with older men reflects childhood dysfunctions or bad parenting. But, as one Daddy points out, "Sexuality is always about deep needs and hidden currents. And if a young woman goes after older men, she's usually considered a hot item, not an oddball."

Of course, she may also be considered a gold digger. And, says our Daddy, that can be true for younger men, too: "More than a few younger guys, though they're not outright hustlers, are looking for some level of financial support. But then, youth does have monetary value on the open market, doesn't it? I mean, how many 50-plus sex workers do you see out there?"

Our 31-year-old counters, "I'm financially well-off – my parents are rich. I'm looking for love and lust, not lucre. And I'm nobody's bimbo."

Money is just one of the power-based issues that can complicate intergenerational nookie. Potential inequalities abound. Older men can be more experienced, grounded, and sexually self-assured, while younger guys always have, well, youth on their side. As our Dad says, "I know that the younger men I get together with are attracted to me. Still, a little part of me wonders if I'm not just their mercy fuck. And since their lives are still so much in flux, it's likely that young guys will lose interest before I do. Sad but true."

All the doubts don't come from older men. The 31-year-old says, "A lot of my same-age friends wonder what I'm doing having affairs with men easily old enough to be my father. It's weird, but in a community where whips and chains and such are totally OK, there's a stigma to May-December romance."

Perhaps that's because Daddy/boy sex has deep, sometimes edgy dimensions, touching on taboos such as incest and exploitation. Still, to many young men, that kinky stuff, coupled with the reassuring strength of an older man's arms, make for a cock-hardening combination. The mid-20s man says, "Older men – especially, balding guys with a few extra pounds – sometimes find it difficult to believe I'm attracted to them. But I am. Boy, am I!"

Simon Sheppard is the author of Kinkorama: Dispatches from the Front Lines of Perversion

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