Sex talk
Speaking of Joining In

Simon Sheppard, QSyndicate.com

"So I went to my first sex party," a hot-but-shy young guy says, "but, though there were a lot of men already fooling around with one another, I couldn't figure out just how to join in."

Well, whether at a private orgy, a commercial sex club, a bath house, or just a gathering of very horny friends, group activities are of the erotic essence. Sure, guys may pair off or form little clusterfucks, but the social structure is fluid�in more ways than one.

Still, if you're one of the watchers hovering around a scene and have a hankering to join on in, don't just assume it's OK for you to insert yourself in the action. Maybe, maybe not. You'll never know till you try, of course. But that's no excuse to act like a crude sex maniac. Please, act like a refined sex maniac. Be bold, but mannerly. (And if you are accepted in, don't hog the action. As one longtime orgier puts it, "There are some men who just don't know how to politely take yes for an answer.")

So let's say you spot Mr. Right fucking around with Mr. Right Too. And you want to be the third (or fourth, or 16th) in the scene. What to do?

Try lessening the distance between you and the players and wait – preferably with hard-on in hand – to be noticed and invited in. Or get personal: catch the eye of one of the guys and wait for a welcoming gesture. "Before I join a group," says one sex clubber, "I wait for a sign that someone wants my ass. Of course, I don't wait too long."

So if you're still on the outside looking in, get even closer, dick extended invitingly, and see if anyone makes a move. Or actually ask: boldly say the words "You guys mind if I join in?" and see what happens.

And if nothing happens? Screw up your courage and try the really direct approach. Get, as Olivia Newton-John says, physical. Extend a tentative hand toward one of the guys. Don't go straight for the cock; we're being charmingly sophisticated, remember? Try stroking a shoulder, or lightly squeezing an accessible nipple. Be forthright, but not grabby, and then wait for an encouraging sign. If you sense any reluctance, back off till you get clearer signals. If you get pushed away, verbally or physically, don't argue or insist. Back off.

Sure, it takes a certain amount of self-confidence to risk rejection. And if you're turned away by a bunch of guys already getting it on, especially where other men can see it happen, it can sting. But not everyone is everyone else's cup of cum. Not even you. Be of good cheer, or at least don't sulk.

There are other guys at the party, remember – like those other men standing there watching, too, the ones with the great, hairy chests and the dripping cocks. For example, there's a guy right next to you, with time – and most likely dick – on his hands. Try him. Or the tempting twink over there sucking on the bear. Or the threesome on the sofa; maybe they'd like a fourth. There are lots of opportunities about.

As our sex clubber notes, "A group of guys having sex inevitably attracts more men. And it's wonderful when the action opens up so you can join the flow. Nothing in the world feels better than wading into a sea of hard-ons." So act like a well-brought-up fella, explore your options with polite persistence, and you're just about sure to get it on�and get off.

Simon Sheppard is the author of Kinkorama: Dispatches from the Front Lines of Perversion

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