Sex talk
Non-reciprocation Scenes

Simon Sheppard, QSyndicate.com

Yes, we all know that great sex is supposed to be a matter of mutual pleasure-giving, of sharing sensual moments – all that good stuff. And yet, those of us who've been around – especially around ads seeking play partners – also know that some men are into "non-reciprocation" scenes. There are dominant daddies looking for subs who'll be devoted to giving them pleasure, and guys who want to kick back and get their dicks serviced. But the other end of the one-way street has plenty of fans, as well.

"There's this one dude who likes to stop by every few weeks, drop to his knees, and suck my cock," says one fellow. "He'll strip if I tell him to, but he doesn't play with himself and doesn't want me to touch him either. He just makes me shoot and then leaves. At first I felt guilty. But then, I figured we were both getting what we wanted, right? And he does suck really well..."

It's easy to figure out what the guy being blown gets out of such transactions, but what about the fellating fellow with no thought for the state of his own swollen shaft? Sure, the mouth is an erogenous zone, but that hardly explains the single-minded devotion of many non-recip suckers. Clearly, when the physical fun runs one-way, psychological payoffs are in play.

Much of it comes down to the ambiguities of being a so-called submissive bottom, a position not as lowly as it looks. Says one full-bore sucker, "Giving another man pleasure is just really intense for me. And I'm devoted to dick. So as far as I'm concerned, having a man in my mouth gives me power, no matter how selfless I might seem."

And those ads from straight (or supposedly straight) dudes whose girlfriends are ostensibly away, and who just want to get off? When a homo gives head to a het, non-reciprocation is typically the order of the day. But even there, the "do me" power dynamics get complex, as the gay guy gets to chow down on a presumably inaccessible sex object.

One-way scenes aren't limited to blow jobs, either. Many a rimmer would like to do nothing more than eat butt, and there are Joes who get their jollies by jacking off another guy without wanting a hand in return. (Fucking doesn't usually qualify as non-reciprocal, though, since it's often tough to figure out which guy, top or bottom, is physically having the most fun.) When kink enters the picture, the intersection of pleasure and power gets even more pronounced – tying up a naked guy and merciless "edging" him, backing off his hard-on just when he's about to come – makes it clear who's in the driver's seat, regardless of who gets off...or doesn't.

For non-vice-versa vice to work out, the guys involved should be in sync from the start, with the "non-reciprocal" stuff made clear. Unsolicited selfishness is not a trait that's universally prized. Complains a frequent fuckee, "I always get pissed off when I get a guy to come and he just ignores me after that. No 'Would you like to shoot, too?' No nothing."

On the other hand, when a supposedly selfish scene becomes less one-sided, a big-time bottom can get bothered. Says one guy, "I really like selfish tops, but too often, a guy I'm with is concerned whether I'm enjoying myself. Kind of takes all the fun out of it."

If supposed sexual slavery goes astray, some eloquent body language can get things back on track. Says our devoted head-giver, "If I'm happily servicing a dude and he decides it might be fun to play with my dick, I'll probably just push his hand away." He smiles. "But if he starts playing with my nipples..."

Props, too, can define who's boss. A selfless bottom can decide to remain clothed, or, conversely, strip to show his servitude. Either way, wearing a leather collar will make his position clear. Bits of bondage help, too. And at the further reaches of kinkiness, a chastity belt makes it physically impossible to stimulate a dude's dick.

Still, as one total top points out, "If a bottom gets what he wants – even if his own body is totally ignored – then it's hardly a non-reciprocal scene, now is it?"

In the end, though, desire trumps analysis. So, bottomboy, get down on your knees and open wide. If it is, after all, more blessed to give than receive, then giving head should be a stairway to heaven.

And don't you dare touch your dick!

Simon Sheppard is the author of Kinkorama: Dispatches from the Front Lines of Perversion

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