Sex talk
Speaking of Servicing

Simon Sheppard,

Yes, it is indeed more blessed to give than receive. And for many guys, that includes giving head.

Plenty of sex – especially performing blowjobs, but other stuff, too – is framed as "servicing." So what's the appeal? "There's just something so hot about giving pleasure to another man," says a fellow who says he's a servicer, but not a submissive. "It makes me feel great when I get someone off."

In general, "giving service" translates into bottoming of one sort or another, though there are plenty of guys who proclaim they need their holes "serviced" (and any top who's done the "fill 'er up!" routine knows that providing stud service can turn into something of a pleasurable chore). But mostly a service scene is framed in terms of one man kicking back and relaxing, while another does his damnedest to make guy no. 1 feel great. Says another man who's into doing just that, "I suppose it's more ethical or politically correct or whatever to think of sex as a mutual activity. But bottoming in a no-reciprocation scene does satisfy me, even when I'm not allowed to touch myself. There's more to sex, after all, than just making your own cock spurt."

A servicing scene can be prenegotiated, detailing the top's demands and the bottom's limits. Or it can organically evolve during sex. Recalls one man who's usually a leather top, "I got together with this fellow who'd advertised for someone to tie him up and dominate him. But when I got the ropes around him, he just seemed so damn hot that all I wanted to do was suck him. Which I did, for a very long time. I didn't even come till he'd left and I beat off."

The little secret of servicing scenes is that the balance of power isn't as simple as it seems. Says our nonsubmissive servicer, "The ability to fill another man's needs – the power to please him – is just awesome." But he's not as happy about scenes like the one the bondage top was in. "What disappoints me is someone who says he only wants service, but then tries to get me off. When I'm in the mood, I don't want him to try to change the focus. It's all about him, dammit."

Does the self-abnegation of servicing scenes stem from internalized homophobia? Well...maybe in part. It is, of course, a well-established fantasy to service all the (presumably straight) members of the football team. And many a gay man has advertised his eagerness to pleasure het honchos only. Clearly, anyone who feels his only worth lies in pleasing someone else, whether that someone is queer or straight, has some issues. But play is play, and if you choose to spend Sunday cleaning a straight man's apartment and then coaxing out his load, that's not necessarily the worst thing in the world.

On the other side of things, top guys getting serviced owe their bottomboys a dose of dominant attitude and a meeting of dirty minds. Still, some dudes demand more. Says our leatherman, "Plenty of so-called servicers want their every fantasy fulfilled, like this boy who wanted to come over and kneel naked for hours while a stream of guys trooped in and out, fucking his face. Now, that's a nice porn scenario, but he wanted me to set the whole thing up and host his little gang-bang. So really, who would be servicing who?"

Regardless of occasional ambiguities, servicing scenes will survive. So whether you've just gotten home from a long day at work and need your tension relieved, or you long to lose yourself in another man's pleasure, go for it. There's nothing like service with a big, wet smile.

Simon Sheppard is the author of Kinkorama: Dispatches from the Front Lines of Perversion

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