Sex talk
Speaking of Size

Simon Sheppard,

How big is big enough? And how large is too large? Though people can be paradoxical – wanting humongous SUVs but teeny-weeny MP3 players – when it comes to dick, lots of us believe that bigger is just plain better.

If an erection were a quantitative marker of manliness or desire, then one might argue that "larger" is, indeed, superior. But we all know that equipment isn't doled out that way. There are femmy guys who are extravagantly endowed, and a roaring hard-on is hard, no matter how hung. So why do so many homos love huge cocks? "Part of it," says one admitted size queen, "is visual: There's nothing like laying eyes on a really impressive piece of meat. And, after looking, laying hands on it is even better."

Sometimes it's a matter of function, rather than form – especially when it comes to anal sex. As one devoted butt-bottom says, "Thicker is better, because I love the feeling of being filled up. And a longer dick has its virtues, too – like being better able to reach that so-called male G-spot, the prostate gland."

On the other hand, many guys find there's such a thing as too big. Says an infrequent fuckee, "I don't get plowed that often, and it takes me a while to relax. So a big monster seems less promising than threatening. I could always suck it, but my jaws aren't all that big, and my gag reflex is easily triggered. Give me a small-to-medium to play with, and I'm happy."

Then there are fellows who adore weensy weiners. Continues our infrequent bottom, "Actually, the sight of a small dick excites me. Maybe it's because I like the contrast between it and my big one. Or maybe it's just a fetish – but then, so is running after nine-inchers."

Chasing nine-inch-long schlongs is apt to prove futile, in any case: According to Kinsey, fewer than one in a thousand men measures in at over three-quarters of a foot (except, of course, in the inflationary environment of online ads, where everybody's hung at least eight.)

Though our e-mail inboxes are deluged with oft-wacky ads for dubious enlargement techniques, big dicks are – by and large – born, not made. Says one well-over-average-hung dude, "I keep getting compliments from my partners on how big my cock is. Since I had nothing to do with being well-endowed, I'd rather they praise my charm or intelligence or something. But hey, I'll take what I can get."

Dudes with dysfunctionally dinky dickies can genitally profit from medical help, but cock-enlargement surgery involves such decidedly nonsexy techniques as ligament-snipping and pumping in fat, and results can be disappointing. For those of us unwilling to go under the knife, there are simpler ways to make one's willie look weightier. Since context is important, trimming a copious pubic bush or losing excess pounds will show off more of what you've got. But more to the penile point, it helps to be happy with what the dick fairy gave you – and your partner. Sure, fetishizing superhero-sized shaft gives employment to some generously genitaled porn actors. But the average gay guy would be well-advised to stop obsessing about a handful of centimeters.

After all, the ancient Greeks – who knew a thing or two about male beauty – gave their statues small endowments, so as to keep the focus on the entire man, and they found oversize thingies a source of comedy. And in any case –as Aristotle might have added – it ain't the meat, it's the motion.

Simon Sheppard is the author of Kinkorama: Dispatches from the Front Lines of Perversion

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