Sex talk
Speaking of Surprises

Simon Sheppard,

Sexual surprises can be as much fun as an unexpected birthday party, or as unpleasant as finding a bag of dog poop on the doorstep. Either way, though, they at least keep booty from being boring.

One easygoing erotic explorer recalls, "I was in bed with this butch new guy, when he excused himself for a minute, then came back with his muscular legs stuffed into pantyhose. I was a bit nonplussed, and cross-dressing's not something I'm into. But after a few seconds, I figured, 'What the hell?' and went on playing. It turned out to be kind of hot, actually."

That's the sort of unexpected event that can either lend spice to sex or derail it completely. Sometimes non-negotiated twists and turns can be a bit nastier, as was the case when a leather top took a new bottomboy to a play party. "I really don't like resistance scenes, where the bottom fights back and it's my job to get him in line," the leathermaster says. "So there I was in front of some buddies, tying this guy up. Suddenly he began thrashing around wildly, not letting me do what we'd arranged. I wasn't sure whether it was his idea of hot bottoming or whether he was just on some weird trip, but either way I was having none of it. I just took my ropes and walked away."

Then there are truly unpleasant shocks, such as the realization that an encounter has left you with an STD or a case of crabs. But many – maybe most þ surprises are pleasant ones: the size queen whose conquest is huge where it counts, or the fellow who seems like an uptight prude till a dick in his ass turns him into a libidinal lion.

Some of the best surprises can be preplanned. One considerate lover recalls, "My boyfriend had been asking me to fuck him with a dildo, something I wasn't all that into. But for his birthday I bought a really nice one and wrapped it up in ribbons. Needless to say, the post-cake celebration was a whole lot of fun, for me as well as for him."

Certainly, sexual surprises can keep long-term relationships from going stale. "Surprise, honey! I'm versatile after all!" can be a delightful detour from well-rutted rutting routes. But even the best-intentioned bolt from the blue might be unwelcome: Before your boyfriend awakes to find your lips on his dick, make sure he's not the sort who gets unpleasantly grumpy when disturbed mid-dream.

If you're the one doing the surprising, consideration and a good gauging of the other guy are important. Don't veer off onto the bypaths of booty unless there's at least a good chance that your partner will enjoy the new direction.

And if you're the one taken by surprise? Well, going with the flow is often a great idea. Some men are so set in their ways – and so particular about their desires – that any deviation from what they thought would happen is cause for carnal disappointment. Their loss. But don't be so desperate for dick that you let yourself in for a rotten time. Be flexible but smart. If the mild-seeming man you brought home from the bar turns out to be into heavy-duty spanking and you'd rather not be whacked, let him know in no uncertain terms.

With any luck, the twists and turns of life will lead to delightful discoveries below the belt. You may discover that you're a lot kinkier than you'd thought – or not as twisted as you'd hoped. And you may find love and fulfillment in the most unlikely places.

Surprise! May the unexpected keep you fresh, hard, and horny.

Simon Sheppard is the author of Kinkorama: Dispatches from the Front Lines of Perversion

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